Horror-Scopes
March 7 , 2008
Aries (March 21 - April 19)
Your actions are starting to remind people of wallpaper.
Taurus (April 20 - May 20)
If your mother didn’t breastfeed you – she probably just liked you as a friend.
Gemini (May 21 - June 2l)
Two people getting together to develop a business, is like three people getting together to have a baby. Which one are you?
Cancer (June 22 - July 22)
There are just three rules for living a productive life: Rock… Paper… Scissors…
Leo (July 23 - August 22)
Someone who rightly refused to give their name once said, “If you don’t wash your clothes for a month - they don’t get any dirtier.” Is that the concept you’re working on?
Virgo (Aug. 23 - Sept. 22)
Your dating history is like buying oats for a dead horse.
Libra (Sept. 23 - Oct. 23)
Need to lose a few pounds? How about volunteering at a pre-school for a month.
Scorpio (Oct. 24 - Nov. 21)
The three most beautiful words in the English language to men from their significant other, “I’m not pregnant”, to women, “I’m not married”.
Sagittarius (Nov. 22-Dec. 2l)
If you want a surefire way to judge just how much some woman hate to work for a living, look at the guys they marry.
Capricorn (Dec. 22 - Jan. 19)
First coffee, then the bathroom - Isn’t life grand?
Aquarius (Jan. 20 - Feb. 18)
Are you starting to feel that your dating life is like bathing in someone else’s dirty water?
Pisces (Feb. l9 - March 20)
There are four possible ways your friends could describe you to a potential date: Smart, good-looking, personality plus, and easy. One out of four should get you there.
